stuff to not forget

she gives light kisses on the cheek to wake me up (at 3am--{sigh}) before asking to sleep in our bed

she gives accurate directions in the dark on how to get home

she rhymes duck with fuck

"mommy, i meant to tell you this...sometimes at bedtime, when i put my hand out, it's to cool it off, not for you to hold."  toddler honesty can't be beat.

ava told me for the first time after school she didn't miss me. then tried so hard not to cry when i took her to school today (her 'trying not to cry' is something i wish i could bottle up---the wet eyes, the red nose, the biting of the lip, the "nothing is wrong", she stands a little bit taller and holds her head high, but still needs me to hug her really tight and remind her how i will miss her and how i think she is the bravest little girl i know. her school friends seems to snap her back to happiness and mom is left feeling a tug at her heart--she needs me, but she is also starting that slow walk away from me)

a made up song--"the heart of the spirit goes to the presents" (clearly this was close to christmas)

she also shivered with excitement christmas morning after yelling, "SANTA!!!!" while scrambling out of bed faster than ever.

"i'm excavating the sand in the water to find destiny rocks."

ava wrapped a fake present for her friend hayden..."i'm teasing him, like daddy always teases me." (the sooner she learns the art of teasing, the sooner she can show her dad up)

"I spy something beautiful," Hayden
"Ava," said me, of course
"Yes," Hayden
Ava just stared at him

"BAM!" = Damn...Mom has since stopped saying damn

ava farts in her sleep and politely whispers "excuse me" ...sometimes we succeed at parenting when we least expect it.

there was excessive fear of the dark and night terrors. it was a hard few months that have seemed to come to an end. night terrors are scary for mom and dad, kids seem to never remember them. we have since learned to touch lightly in comfort, whisper something sweet, lots of "i love you'", and lots of "it's ok, go back to sleep now". never try to wake them and never yell at them to knock it off (i learned that one the hard way).

mom freaks out after the 100th time at the store with a toddler who cries every time she didn't get something. mom makes toddler give away six bags of toys (that is not a typo, it was six). our current record (after a short ban from going together to any store) is 3 out of 4 have ended in no crying. i believe i just taught my first lesson.

some days i rock as a mom, while other days, i am the worst ever. i am finding this is a common theme amongst every single parent in the world, along with the "mom guilt we all carry around like a load of bricks. whether we play for five minutes, five hours, or none, we are never good enough for ourselves" (thank you kind sister, who continued to remind me ... "you play and do more than sooo many mom's...you should feel really good about that and not worry about the times you really suck, those sucky days pale in comparison").

both of my sister's support through my mommy adventures have also brought me to a new feeling I said would never happen...it might be time to give ava a companion for life. the poor thing must not be left to grow up and deal with an aging mom and dad on her own...that is another funny blog post i could write about.