Real life

I have been so uninspired lately.  I wish I could come out of my funk and get back to being me again.  I hate slumps like this.  I feel like a bad mom, bad wife, bad everything.  Yes I am whining, complaining, and just plain pissed off half the time lately.  PMS all month?  Maybe.  Worried about my heart problems?  Maybe. Reliving the day at night and remembering all the things that went wrong instead of went right?  Maybe.  Pessimistic.  For sure.  Bad mom?  Not all that bad, but need some improving in the play area.  Ava making a 3 year old transition that is turning her into someone else?  For sure.  Am I sad about that?  Yes.  Am I able to handle it?  Not yet.  I got mad one day and kicked something with my foot.  Now Ava has been acting out like that too.  I feel like shit about that and haven't gotten over it yet.  I love my family and I love my life and all the blessings I have been handed...blah, blah, blah.  I wish I could be more like that.  You see what I mean.  I am in a bad place.  I hope writing it down and coming back to read it will make me realize what a selfish, unhappy, brat I am. 

Ava put my rosary under my pillow and said it would give me good dreams.  Maybe I should be more like her.  I will sleep with it under my pillow tonight and hope for a miracle.  :-)

I found Ava thinking by the steps and asked her what was going on.  "Uummm, just a minute...",  "Me member your name!!!" , "CECCA".  hahahaha  "Well, yes.  That's what my family and special friends call me, but can you say my entire name"...