Motherhood

You know, if you had seen me after I had Ava (those of you who did know) you would have thought I was throwing in the towel and giving up. I had NO idea what I was in for the entire time I was pregnant...still wondering why my sister's didn't tell me!! lol Dejan and I waited 6 years for Ava and I went around the entire 9 months in la-la land; I am going to be the BEST mom, I have always been so good with kids, Dejan and I are going to be so happy, things are going to be just perfect...BLAH BLAH BLAH...REALITY CHECK!! After Ava came, I had a melt down every day for about 1 month, second month it was every other day. In my defense Ava cried a lot in the beginning...she had stomach issues and I wasn't producing enough milk so she was just plain hungry, AND DON'T MESS WITH HER IF SHE'S HUNGRY! Third month...CLICK, OH MY GOD, this little girl is mine and I LOVE HER.

I thought this moment would never come. There is this perception all mothers fall in love with their child immediately, so when that didn't happen to me I was crushed. Blame it on the c-section, blame it on not being able to nurse, blame it on selfishness, I'm not for sure why it didn't happen, but when it did, it was the most incredible feeling. Mind you, both my sisters walked me through this the entire time, my mom spent an entire week with us cooking and helping me get some sleep, and god bless my husband for saying the right thing at the right time for the first time in the 13 years I have known him...that has since changed, but I'll take what I can get! :-) AND, Kristin not only were you there when I found out I was pregnant (I'll never forget that day in the YMCA locker room, it is etched in my memory forever) but you were the only friend who didn't ditch me during the worst days. I appreciate all of you more than you know!

I guess I just thought it was important for me to remember the emotional journey Ava and I have made, and with her being 5 months on Sunday I think she is the best person I have ever gotten to know! I love you Ava!