Some mornings I wake up with this crushing sadness, and it always happens in August. I look over at Ava's pretty little face, her long legs hogging our bed (& kicking us during our attempts at getting peaceful sleep--and although she always goes to slerp in her bed, she always creeps into ours overnight), and I can barely stand how fast she has gotten to 6. 6 is not old in anyway, but for me, 6 years seems to have suddenly happen in a blink of an eye.
I know August is significant. It's when I got pregnant, it's when she has always reached a big milestone, and it also begins the downhill of summer and back to school. Ever since I was little, I remember feeling a certain way once August rolled around. This time is no different. I woke up this morning to a cool breeze coming in the window (what's up with 58 degrees!), the birds chirping, a certain late summer smell in the air, and the realization that school begins in a week. I roll over, after being kicked in the back, ready to give Ava some heck, but instead she is sound asleep, and seeing her made that dang feeling crush my heart; which brings me to school. Preschool and Kindergarten were like play dates; she was away from me, but I knew she was having a blast and learning some great stuff along the way. In addition, last fall I began working at her school as the After School Program Director, and it has been a great experience. It allowes me to see her in the halls and keep tabs on her behavior in the classroom. :-) I have been one lucky Mommy...I get to stay home with her, I have gotten to follow her along at school, and we have had so many good times! But this Fall, she goes to 1st Grade...upstairs.
1st grade feels like real school to me. It means she is entering into a world of learning and friendships that will overload her mind and change who she is, which is not all bad. I look forward to her growth, her changing friendships, and her new 1st grade learning. It's always hard watching your child grow, but I like the growth and have learned to embrace every change, every question (there are thousands), and every moment that seems to go in a flash. Unfortunately, it's also bitter sweet in so many other ways...those are the moments that give me those tears in my eyes. This morning, I remembered her first years with me: how we have grown together, how I miss those baby & toddler moments, how she needs me less & less each year (although very slightly), how I have been able to shape who she is becoming; so many special & hard moments wrapped up in 6 years. She is 6, I am 39. We are both aging, and this morning, that hit me hard.
I know August is significant. It's when I got pregnant, it's when she has always reached a big milestone, and it also begins the downhill of summer and back to school. Ever since I was little, I remember feeling a certain way once August rolled around. This time is no different. I woke up this morning to a cool breeze coming in the window (what's up with 58 degrees!), the birds chirping, a certain late summer smell in the air, and the realization that school begins in a week. I roll over, after being kicked in the back, ready to give Ava some heck, but instead she is sound asleep, and seeing her made that dang feeling crush my heart; which brings me to school. Preschool and Kindergarten were like play dates; she was away from me, but I knew she was having a blast and learning some great stuff along the way. In addition, last fall I began working at her school as the After School Program Director, and it has been a great experience. It allowes me to see her in the halls and keep tabs on her behavior in the classroom. :-) I have been one lucky Mommy...I get to stay home with her, I have gotten to follow her along at school, and we have had so many good times! But this Fall, she goes to 1st Grade...upstairs.
1st grade feels like real school to me. It means she is entering into a world of learning and friendships that will overload her mind and change who she is, which is not all bad. I look forward to her growth, her changing friendships, and her new 1st grade learning. It's always hard watching your child grow, but I like the growth and have learned to embrace every change, every question (there are thousands), and every moment that seems to go in a flash. Unfortunately, it's also bitter sweet in so many other ways...those are the moments that give me those tears in my eyes. This morning, I remembered her first years with me: how we have grown together, how I miss those baby & toddler moments, how she needs me less & less each year (although very slightly), how I have been able to shape who she is becoming; so many special & hard moments wrapped up in 6 years. She is 6, I am 39. We are both aging, and this morning, that hit me hard.
I have since shook off the sadness & smiled at the days potential to bring more moments of happiness with my sweet little girl before she grows as a first grader.
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