That's right, Ava and I made these!

No Sew Snuggle Pillows
I'm not a crafter, nor do I like crafts, but this was so much fun.
For those without young kids, and the blessing of Nick Jr. (we are way too plugged in),
these guys are Moose and Zee. 

Winter can really be a drag, but when it snows we seem to find our inner child and memories are always made.  One of my favorite things about this past holiday was the snow fall we got Christmas Eve.  We took a walk around my husband's parent's land, and had a morning of sledding and snow ball fights with my family, all where I grew up doing the same thing as a kid. Of course this time we parents had to have a beer on the porch after the snow ball fight to regroup.  ha  We are getting older you know.



I clearly won this snow ball fight



Snow, Sun, and a cold beer.  Isn't this what living in Iowa is all about!

A New Year

Happy New Year to everyone and what a year we had in 2010.  I am looking forward to 2011 and all the great memories yet to be made.  The beginning of the year started out with a bang with a New Year's party at our house.  I say bang because I swear someone set off a bomb in my house with the amount of dirt, trash, toys, cards, and liquor bottles I cleaned up the next day...not to mention the ridiculous pictures I found on my camera (sorry, those will never be posted).  It really was fun and the clean up was well worth it. 

Christmas was great this year.  Almost perfect really.  It snowed Christmas Eve and we had a memorable drive home with the back of the truck looking like Santa's sleigh.  Fourteen people in the Djordjevich house was a lot of people at one time. It just seems to jive, and after being around for almost 16 years, it's my new normal and I enjoy every bit of it.  It's hard to hold a conversation, and I'm the soft talker in the family, so I generally get talked over.  :-)  Don't worry, I enjoy the noise and was in shock when the entire studio was quiet when we got family pictures taken.  That was just weird!    We miss you guys!  Hurry back!

When we finally made it back to Mom and Dad's it was the usual flurry to get to Church (it wouldn't be Christmas Eve without hearing my Mom sing), a beautiful 10pm walk in the snow with my parents, and a late night sitting by the fire talking about nonsense.  You see, everything was just perfect.  That is what Christmas is about.  The only thing missing was my sister Jenn. They were not coming back this year.  Work!  I really missed them.  For 35 year's my sisters have always been there for Christmas.  :-(  We texted a lot and settled for some private laughs.

Christmas day is more of a blur, but I do remember Ava's face when Uncle Mark gave her those light up shoes, Auntie Danica's artwork to Ava, and the late night Dance Party with Yammi and Ava while Harris and Nick rolled their eyes at us and the ridiculous music we blared, then another late night sitting by the fire talking more nonsense until 1 in the morning.  I still laugh about the direction our conversations took. 

A fun night out with Dejan and his family was a good way to finally talk to everyone without any kids around.  Funny how I appreciate going out again after having a baby.  Little sleep made the 5 days go by fast and blurry, but I have to say this was one of the better Christmases in a long time.  My final thought is about the feeling I had watching Ava experience Christmas.  It was like watching myself as a child! There is something so special about this girl. 

Christmas is much better with a kid around...much messier, but way more fun.

Tis the Season...

For a messy house, lots of errands, dirty kitchen from cooking and baking with a 2 year old, a closet full of wrapped (and some still unwrapped--gasp) presents, live Christmas tree pieces all over the place with no broken ornaments this year, for teaching Ava her first Christmas songs...she loves jingle bells, fun Christmas cards dropped in the mail slot everyday to Ava's delight, a little Christmas cheer mixed in with a little grumpiness all around. You all know you get a little grumpy at some point during the holiday season, so don't deny it, just be sure to get over it. Ava gets what Christmas is all about and has asked for three things. Not bad. Santa can take of that; dragon, two pink balls, and a super why shirt. I wish I was two again!

We came home from Thanksgiving and it just seems time has gotten away from me. I wish I could find more time to write about our daily lives, it really is quit amusing. Ava keeps talking, going potty without pull ups, stopped taking naps *sigh*, but does sleep 12 hours a night, loves to eat out and go places..."mommy, where go now?" She continues to make us laugh most days, but 2.5 has been H.A.R.D. She has had many milestones, so I am hopeful we have made it through the worst. My fingers won't come out of that crossed formation...my brain tells me to never let my guard down.

I wish everyone a safe and happy holiday season. I'm sure I won't be back until 2011, so love to all and I am looking forward to making my cranberry cocktail for my sisters.

This is going to be an unusual blog for me, but I may feel better after sharing, and then I might come back and delete it for fear of anyone knowing the real me. I'm not poignant or well spoken in my blogs, I just write what gibberish is going on in my mind. I was the last of three kids for crying out loud. They did all the talking for me and had all the ideas before I could come up with my own. :-) I love my sisters in spite of their bossiness. xo

Anyway, back to my own thoughts here. I will try to write what I'm wanting to get across...

I have discovered that my mind tends to lean towards the way of anxiety. I ended up in the ER not so long ago (and thankful for my friend Joanna, who loves me in spite of my crazy self) because of a major anxiety attack. I could have sworn I was going to drop dead right there and then...with a smirk from the ER Doctor and a prescription for xanax they released me and told me to chill out. I will defend myself a little here. After having Ava, my hormones raged and have caused my heart to start skipping a beat and giving me major heart palpitations (which were all happening that day and caused me to think my heart was going to stop) and became iron deficient. NOW that I understand what's going on, I can at least deal with these new sensations without prescription medicine. It also means drinking my glass of wine at the end of the day is no longer an option either (dammit--alcohol makes my heart skip and palpitate even more). So how does one deal with all this new anxiety raging inside my head?

I'm not a religious person, but the older I get the more I tend to feel the need for something spiritual, not religious, there is a major difference. I was brought up Catholic and still feel like a Catholic, but one who never goes to church or believes in a major part of what the church does (or any church for that matter). I LOVE Mass, but hate everything else that comes along with it. So, I just don't go. Right or wrong I am trying to find my way.

I borrowed a book from a friend called "Cold Tangerines", it's a book celebrating the extraordinary nature of everyday life. Who wouldn't want to read that after having a major anxiety attack. It's not quit what I expected, but have found some chapters that seem to put into words what I feel...you know, because I am incapable of doing that on my own. ha In one chapter about prayer, the author expresses that "prayer heals all the muscles that I've been clenching for a long time, while I'm holding it together, gritting my teeth, waiting for impact. Prayer, like yoga, like singing, brings soft from hard, pliant to brittle, possible from impossible, warm from cold, breath from breathless. And no matter what gets you there, it is better to be there than not." I hate to admit that paragraph spoke to me.

What I have found is that prayer, yes prayer (this is were I start reveling myself), is something that faithfully makes me feel better on so many levels. Not prayer in church, prayer late at night when I can't sleep from a mind wondering all over the place. I admit, I say I pray more than I do, like when people are sick, in the hospital, or when someone dies, I'm not really praying all the time. Sorry. BUT, I do do it when I find nothing else works. When I pray, my freaked out confused mind finds a place to chill and eventually sleep soundlessly. This means something to me.

Prayer by no means has been a cure, my anxiety is still there on occasion. My days have been out of control for about 3 weeks now (a certain 2.5 year old is hard work at the moment), but at night when my day comes to an end and I lay there thinking of all the things that went wrong (which is not everyday, but seem more frequent lately) and my heart starts palpitating, I close my eyes and say a few simple prayers that bring me peace.

Maybe some day I will come to an understading of life and what my purpose is, but like everyone else, I will live life, work hard, be nice, honest, and try to give back. It's the best I can do right now and I am happy that prayer plays a small part.

Fall has been loaded with parades and junkie candy..."mom, nother band"...marching bands are her favorite, then the John Deere tractors. She has yet to learn that she'll get to ride in the Oktoberfest parade with her Dad next year. She is going to freak. It's a two hour parade, but totally worth taking her to.

A fun evening in Blakesburg, IA took us to the Corn Carnival. The kids got to participate in a Kiddie Parade, with my sister and I shamelessly pulling Anna and Ava in a wagon. Ava rode her first carnie ride with my great friend's son (Logan had no problems using MY tickets to take a ride for himself and keep Ava company along the way-hehehe). Her son Max told me he would "never talk to me again if I didn't give him my last ticket", and Joanna and I had a good laugh later, about pushing the limit with our kids, and them all having a melt down by the time it got dark. My Dad seemed really happy to be at an 'old school' carnival. He smiled the entire time and my European mother endured with her cashmere wrap. I love my parent's!

Beautiful summer like temperature's have spoiled us. We spend a ton of time outdoors getting the last drops of sunshine and the leaves are filling up our yard...a pile lies at the bottom of the slide, fires in the pit, pink marshmallow goo all over, pumpkins are on the porch, Ava asks everyday if it's "Halloween yet?", and Sunday's are full of football on the TV. Ava says "me like football too".

Yesterday we made a trip to Autumn Acres in Oskaloosa, Ia. Breakfast at Smokey Row started us off right, then off to a morning full of fun. I love spending days like that with my family. We did the corn maze, took a hay rack ride, walked on top of bails of corn, Ava was adventurous and rode the train ride by herself (I was so proud of her), smelly goats, apple and corn sling shots, pumpkin painting, picking out pumpkins to carve, fresh apples and dip for a snack, this place has it all. We were exhausted but happy. Happy Autumn to all!

My own vent for the day.

Sometimes Mom's have really bad days, and today was that day for me. I feel bad for yelling at Ava twice, but some days I am so sick of a two year old ruling my every move. At least 1/2 an hour to get out of the house on any given day, battles over socks (which is really dumb now that I think about it), a few minutes to make myself presentable to the world results in an hour of cleanup later (she gets into everything), getting into the car is another battle (she never wants to get into the car the same way twice), toys, clothes, dishes, piles of paper & furniture seem to be strung out all over the place, stray cats, my own cat not using the litter box, my house a mess ALL the time, regular showers are iffy, workouts fit in as energy allows, battles over how much to allow her to do and how much to pull the chain on, my husband's silence after calling him and asking him to ask me how my day is going, ugh!

I can't even believe I am complaining about my sweet girl. She really is so good 99% of the time. My patience have just given up today.

I'm just missing myself right now and know I will make a come back some day. I had a nice couple hours out with some girls last night...maybe that's why I'm so grumpy today, I miss doing that. I miss being a women and not a mom.

I love you Ava with all my heart and can't imagine my life without you. Today was bad and tomorrow I will be a better Mommy. Tonight I will make you happy (and hopefully make myself feel better for yelling) and take you to the parade to see your favorite thing...a marching band.