State Of Affairs

I was waiting for Ava to get out of dance class a couple weeks ago, & because my usual gossiping crew was not around that day, I succumbed to reading the news on my Iphone.  I found myself starting to sweat a little, my heart was beating a little faster, & my brain just went into overload....if you hadn't guessed by now, everything I was reading was horrible. From politics, to the environment, to gun violence, to kidnappings, to the state of affairs in the entire world, it was making me feel quit uneasy & afraid of the  footprints we are leaving behind for our children to follow....then the picture below popped up in a text message from my cousin (Rebecca Harris Ayala), it is one of many apple trees that used to be on Grandma Lula's property.  My heart changed from worry to joy in a split second.

This is what I should be worrying about; providing a safe, loving, happy, memorable childhood for my daughter.  Whether it's picking apples, playing with cousins, walking dry creek beds, roasting hotdogs & s'mores late into the night, or playing outside until the street light comes on, I want my daughters childhood to be similar to mine, so I put away my phone (well, not really, I was texting Rebecca now instead), and decided to postpone worrying about the state of affairs in our world.  I will instead try to make my sweat peas childhood as sweet as mine was & show her how to make our world a better place one small step at a time

Summer lovin'

Summer has always had a special place in my heart. It holds memories for me that are hard to put into words. The smell of the warm breeze, the freedom to run free, walking barefoot, seeing the sun shine from 6am-9pm & pretty much playing the entire time, many summers walking through the streets of Italy, & many summers at my grandma Lula's home in Nauvoo, Il walking creeks, picking apples, playing with cousins & so much more, driving the river road, crickets, tree frogs, pools, more time with friends & family, swinging on a front porch swing watching the world pass by...oh, this list could go on & on, and I always wish I could bottle up the smells & laughter of summertime.

The latest memory for me, which takes me to my front porch swing, involves the biggest life changing event; my daughter being born May 5, 2008, not summer yet, but it was the most beautiful spring I had seen in awhile.  I remember the perfect blue sky, the perfect 70 degree temp., & the cardinal singing (almost like he was welcoming us home) in the tree when I walked her into our home three days later.  I remember feeling my hormones start to crash, so everything was in a heightened state for me.  I have to admit, it was probably one of the coolest feelings ever (although, not so much 8 hours later).

By the time June 21 rolled around that year, she was a little over one month old, we were still getting to know each other.  I was a horrible first time Mom, but one thing I got right, was the peace we both found when we would sit quietly together on our front porch swing.  I craved fresh air, & my newborn child needed rocked & set into an upright position at all times (she had digestive issues). This swing was our saving grace!  It now holds 5 years of memories for me, & this morning when I went out for my dose of fresh summer morning air, the nostalgia hit me like a smack in the face. 

In five years Ava & I have grown in our own ways, for the better I might add, & as usual, it's my beloved summer to remind me of all the joy she has brought me, AND how much time has passed so quickly.  Today, we will take it slow, enjoy the moment, & probably swing a little for old times sake.  I did it growing up, now she gets to as well, & that makes me smile.

Happy summer all...you will find us here.

Unknown knowledge...

At Ava's end of the school year conference we learn just how smart she is.  She has the third highest score (out of about 40 kids) & apparently is way smarter than she lets on at home. She has never really enjoyed listening to me teach her things, & now I know why....SHE ALREADY KNOWS!!!  We were informed she was ready to read & that her math skills were really good.  

Now, she would kind of let on about the reading by randomly knowing a word, but geesh, she can practically read a whole story by herself!   And then her math, well, you can see by the picture how quickly she was figuring out her addition.  

This girl never ceases to amaze us, & we have decided to create many learning opportunities for her this summer.  Yes, I will be the teacher, but I will also be the student because she really digs telling me how to do things. My response, "Ok Boss!"

Memories... part 2...

One of Ava's chores is to make her bed, and I desperately wish I had taken a picture of the first time she ever did it to compare to today's final product below. Today was excellent & she was rather proud (I'm slightly embarrassed about all those large toys).

It's amazing how determined she is to succeed. When she started learning to make her bed, we made it into a little competition; could Mommy or Ava make their bed the best. She would come in beaming when she was done...I naturally declared her the winner every time.

I look at this bed today & realize we are about to put this bed away for good when her twin bed arrives. This is yet another emotional step for me, although I do find humorous the things we mom's hold dear to our hearts. Her crib switched to a toddler bed, & now it will go into storage like so many other memories.

Emotions...

Yesterday started at 5 am & continued to be busy until 9pm. It was a long day for me & I'm certain it made me an emotional wreck around 4:30 when I had to leave Ava, for the first time ever, with someone other than family or her extended family in preschool. Mind you, it was at school, with people I am just now getting to know, so it was not that bad, but boy was I nervous. Ava was a bit nervous, too, but said she could do it for a little bit. :) I knew Dejan would be picking her up after work, & I ran into one of her teachers in the hall & asked if she could check on her... What the heck was my problem, she was fine!!!???

I wouldn't settle down until I sent a frantic text message asking Dejan if he had her yet!! He sent me the photo below & I had to try keeping it together, at a Legacy Foundation meeting, because I almost started crying when I saw her sweet little face eating a blizzard at the DQ!

I never anticipated, on week two of my job, the emotion I would feel about the time spent away from home.. That has been my life for five years, it's what I did. Only now, I spend just enough time away from that life to miss it. Who knew! I was so ready to work.  I still love my decision to work & the After School program has been a success; I guess now, it allows me to step away from mommy hood and appreciate things I had stopped appreciating as a stay at home mom.

One thing I learned about myself yesterday, I can really keep the tears back when needed...I'm usually crying all the time freely. I'm Italian, it's part of what we do. :)

Ava did great yesterday. She only got a little emotional once when I came to say bye, & that's because a LARGE bumblebee had gotten into the room. Problem solved before I left, & her daddy treated her to ice cream afterwards, so all was right with the world again. I'm once again proud of her & love how quickly Dejan got there to pick her up. :)

Every morning, there she is. I know I should put a stop to it, but I just can't seem to follow through. Dejan's out by 5:30am, only to be replaced by my sweet little lady (many days it's much sooner than 5:30). I suppose after some serious parenting fails, I can live with this one.

Mom finally gets to work

It's been five years since I last worked, and the time felt right when I accepted the position as Seton school's After School Program Director. I am opening the program from the ground up, & enjoying this mighty challenge to be successful. My first day was this past Monday, & who wouldn't love being in the same building as your child attends the worlds best preschool class. I was able to do tons of computer work, listened to music as I worked, was patted on the back numerous times, and was lucky to also catch glimpses of Ava being an independent little girl.

My family seems ok with this new transition. Ava gave me some sass on Monday morning when I reminded her of the help I was going to need from her every morning. Our "getting ready" routine would have to change. After sulking for half the morning, she suddenly decided helping & doing things herself rocked..."what else can I do, Mommy?" YAY!!!!! Watching her made me all warm & fuzzy. I'm so proud of who she is becoming, but, as so many Mom's know, it's also bitter sweet watching your children grow up.

Husband also gave me a little sass when I remind him I won't be able to do it alone anymore. He'll have to pick up Ava, he'll have to run her to swim lessons, he'll have to make some dinner sometimes, he'll have to leave work a little earlier a couple times a week.....GASP!!!! :) After a few grumbles, he's his usual charming, sarcastic self & says, ,"ok, no problem, I can do it all without complaining." Love him, but will I ever get a "no problem, I'd love to help" without the sarcasm!!?? I'm going with no. :)

This new chapter seems to be just what I need. I look forward to it's challenges, to earning my own money, & to making my family appreciate what I do around here a little more.... you see, the sarcasm is catchy around here.

The picture is Ava after she got herself dressed, made her bed, folded clothes to put away, brushed her teeth, helped pick out jewelry for me to wear, & finally, brushing her hair (which she hates). I think she pulled off a great look & was the best helper a Mommy could ask for...I think I forgot to tell her that & now feel like a bad mom... *sigh*.... will I ever get it right?